From: Ed
Subject: News from the funny papers
Date: Mon, 23 Oct 95 14:45:00 PDT

ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

• Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
• Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
• Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted
• Drunk gets nine months in violin case
• Survivor of siamese twins joins parents
• Farmer Bill dies in house
• Iraqi head seeks arms
• Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over
• British left waffles on Falkland Islands
• Eye drops off shelf
• Teacher strikes idle kids
• Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead
• Squad helps dog bite victim
• Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66
• Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
• Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
• Miners refuse to work after death
• Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
• Stolen painting found by tree
• Two soviet ships collide, one dies
• 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
• Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years
• Never withhold herpes infection from loved one
• Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84
• War dims hope for peace
• If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while
• Cold wave linked to temperatures
• Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide
• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
• Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
• Deer Kill 17,000
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Die
• Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
• Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
• New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
• Air Head Fired
• Old School Pillars Replaced by Alumni
• Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
• Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
• Sex Education Delayed. Teachers Request Training
• Include Your Children When Baking Cookies